I can relate to this topic entirely too well. As a product of divorce, my mother decided to move to West Texas from West Virginia when her and my dad divorced. She quickly, and might I add, VERY quickly married my step dad. Before they were married, the abuse didn't start. It was all roses then. When I read the assignment for the blog this week, I pondered on how to write this. It has just gotten easier for me to even discuss this with my husband; but to discuss it with total strangers frightened me. I am not asking for sympathy; rather, I want everyone to see how we can overcome abuse! I did it, and I am still doing it!
Once my mother married, first came the beatings. I remember going to a restaurant when I was only 6 years old. I did not want to eat the brussel sprouts, and I was crying. They were HORRID! Well, my step dad is fuming and my mother is literally snickering at me. Once we get home, let me tell you, I feel the wrath of my step dad's anger coming through that belt he was swinging! I received a beating that kept me from moving much for about a week! These beatings were constant, and for the smallest things. I would have accidents in the night, and I would get beat so badly. Might I mention that my mother would sit around and watch him beat me, or just leave the room. It was horrible. Unfortunately, the worst wasn't over.
As a 6 year old child, I thought my life was horrible. However, I soon realized it was worse than horrible. First, my step dad started with the peep show. It didn't matter where I was changing at, he seemed to find a place to look! When I took showers, I would have to get in the bathtub, close the shower curtain, and take my clothes off so he wouldn't see me through the cracks. (This I mastered as I became older of course.) Well, it did get worse. He started fondling me in the worse imaginable ways! The sexual abuse made my childhood an absolute nightmare! I refuse to go in to the intimate details of the abuse, but let me tell you, it was the worst time in my life, or so I thought.
This abuse, both sexual and physical, lasted from the time I was 6 until I was 18. I actually managed to find a boyfriend that would put up with me, and he was my saving grace. I knew if I could get out of that house, the abuse would stop. I had found a way out. After 12 years of suffering abuse, I had been given an angel. Unfortunately, after 12 years of marriage, my trust issues and anger dissolved this marriage. But, God had given me a daughter, and through her, I was able to learn to trust and know some people do give unconditional love. God also allowed me to see what a REAL mother is supposed to do!
I remember when I was around 16 years old, I had had enough! I actually told people about what was going on, and guess what? Our sorry CPS system just swept me under the door and forgot about me! They refused to help me! So, now everyone thought I was a child trying to get attention! I will never understand that saying at all! I didn't want ANY attention! I wanted it to stop!! My own school counselor decided to call my mother after our confidential, or so I thought it would be, conversation. I will admit, the abuse stopped for about 2 months after that, but it started right back up!
As I became an adult, I have had triggers that have brought back memories. However, I believe the one thing that hurt me more than the abuse itself was finding out my mother new about the abuse and let it continue. She knew what he was doing to me, and when she left me there alone with him, she knew what was going to happen. Many times I would scream and cry for her to take me, and she would just smile and way at me. It was almost as if she thought it was funny. She admitted to me she knew about the abuse after my own daughter was born. I will never feel anything but animosity towards her because, as a mother myself, I would NEVER allow someone to hurt my child!
Words will never be able to describe how I coped through my childhood. I have blocked so many things out, and I am still having things reveal themselves. I became very isolated in school, would quickly fight someone if they said something ugly to me, and I was very depressed. I hated life, I hated myself, and many times I pondered ending it all. Thank goodness I didn't! As I earlier discussed, I had no resources or help. My mother had convinced me throughout the years that my dad and grandmother back in West Virginia hated me and never wanted to see me again. I had no one to turn to. To be honest, I am not sure how I survived it. I know God had his flock of angels over me, otherwise, I am not sure where I would be in my life right now.
However, I overcame the childhood abuse, but not without many stupid choices and hurt along the way. I experienced so many unnecessary things in my early adulthood, but again, I overcame so much to get to where I am today. I believe that is why God chose the early childhood profession for me. I want to help children any way I can. I want to be their advocates and help them through difficulties. I can use my own childhood to help others succeed.
CHILD ABUSE IN AFRICA/SEXUAL EXPLOITATION OF CHILDREN
Words cannot even describe how awful this makes me feel. A child should NEVER, EVER be abused, much less sold to the highest bidder for sexual purposes. In Africa, the adolescent girls are targeted because they lack economic and social status to fight it. How horrible is that! What really made me ill was knowing some young girls have to go through genital mutilation. Below, I have copied and pasted an article about this. While it is long, it is very informative. I wish I had the resources to do more to help the females in Africa. I pray one day it will get better for them!
Article retrieved from: http://advocatesforyouth.org/publications/457?task=view
Sexual abuse and violence are serious problems that transcend racial, economic, social and regional lines. Violence is frequently directed toward females and youth, who lack the economic and social status to resist or avoid it. Adolescents and young women, in particular, may experience abuses in the form of domestic violence, rape and sexual assault, sexual exploitation, and/or female genital mutilation. Accurately estimating the prevalence of sexual abuse and violence in the developing world is difficult due to the limited amount of research done on the subject. Cultural mores against reporting abuse make it difficult to assess accurately, and few adolescent health programs in sub-Saharan African address these critical issues.
Domestic Violence Is Widespread in Sub-Saharan Africa.- Violence against women is a widespread problem in sub-Saharan Africa. Surveys conducted in sub-Saharan Africa reveal that 46 percent of Ugandan women, 60 percent of Tanzanian women, 42 percent of Kenyan women, and 40 percent of Zambian women report regular physical abuse.(1) In a Nigerian survey, 81 percent of married women report being verbally or physically abused by their husbands. Forty-six percent report being abused in the presence of their children.2
- Violence has a significant impact on the health and life expectancy of women. The World Bank estimates that rape and domestic abuse account for 5 percent of healthy years of life lost to women of reproductive age in developing countries.3
- Domestic violence can have long-term psychological effects. Studies have shown that one out of every four suicide attempts by women is preceded by abuse.4
- Children in abusive households also suffer from the effects of violence, whether or not they are physically abused. Studies have shown that children who witness violence may experience many of the same emotional and behavioral problems that physically abused children experience, such as depression, aggression, disobedience, nightmares, physical health complaints and poor school performance.3
Young People Are Vulnerable to Rape and Sexual Assault.- Worldwide, 40-47 percent of sexual assaults are perpetrated against girls age 15 or younger.4
- In a study in a South African hospital of children under age 15 in whom a diagnosis of child abuse was considered, 45 percent of the children reported having been the target of sexual abuse. Thirty-one percent reported being physically abused, and sexual abuse was suspected but not confirmed in another 14 percent of the children.5 A study in Uganda revealed that 49 percent of sexually active primary school girls say they had been forced to have sexual intercourse.6
- Abuse takes place in both urban and rural environments. A study in a rural population of South Africa found that 51 percent of children between six months and 15 years of age receiving medical treatment for sexual abuse have been abused by a neighbor, an acquaintance, a lodger or a stranger.7 Studies conducted in a city in Zimbabwe found that half of reported rape cases involve girls less than 15 years of age and that girls are most vulnerable to sexual abuse by male relatives, neighbors and school teachers.8
- Both boys and girls can be targets for sexual abuse. In a District in Uganda, 31 percent of school girls and 15 percent of boys report having been sexually abused, many by teachers.9
- The threat of social stigma prevents young women from speaking out about rape and abuse. In Zimbabwe, rape cases are sometimes settled out of court when the perpetrator either pays compensation to the girl's father or pays a bride price and marries the girl to avoid bringing public attention and shame to the girl and her family.8
- All Anglophone countries have enacted laws which directly address sexual offenses against minors. The age at which young people are protected by statutory rape laws varies in these countries, from under 13 years in Nigeria to under 16 years in Zimbabwe. Only Kenya specifically criminalizes both physical and verbal sexual harassment.10
Young People Are Targets of Sexual Coercion and Exploitation.- Young girls frequently report that their early sexual experiences were coerced. In a study in South Africa, 30 percent of girls report that their first sexual intercourse was forced.1 In rural Malawi, 55 percent of adolescent girls surveyed report that they were often forced to have sex.8
- Sexual exploitation of young people is frequently facilitated by their lack of economic power and job opportunities. In Addis-Ababa, Ethiopia, an estimated 30 percent (about 30,000) of prostitutes are women ranging from 12-26 years of age. The number of adolescent females engaged in informal prostitution may be far greater.11
- Young women are vulnerable to coercion into sexual relationships with older men. "Sugar daddies" take advantage of girls' lack of economic resources by promising to help with their expenses in exchange for sex.12,13 A study of female adolescents in Kenya revealed that 50 percent of the girls admit receiving gifts in the form of money, ornaments and clothes from their partners when they engaged in sex for the first time.14 In Uganda, twenty-two percent of primary school girls anticipate receiving gifts or money in exchange for sex.6
- In a hospital study on abortion in Tanzania, nearly one third of adolescents receiving abortion were impregnated by men 45 years or older.15
- In villages in Ghana, 70 percent of mothers interviewed said they had encouraged young girls into premarital sexual relationships. Many older women felt that receiving gifts in exchange for sex was not regarded as prostitution but evidence of a man's love.16
- Forced marriage of young girls to older males leaves girls with little or no economic or social power. In rural Northern Ethiopia, the mean age for first marriage is 13.5 years for girls and 19.5 years for boys.17 While the average age at marriage is rising, twelve of sixteen countries included in the Demographic Health Survey have an average age at first marriage of between 16 and 21.18
Female Genital Cutting Threatens the Health of Young Women.- Estimates suggest that between 85 and 114 million girls have been subjected to female genital cutting, also known as female genital mutilation (FGM) or female circumcision. The practice varies from cutting the external genital area to closing the genital area leaving a small opening for passage of urine and menstrual flow. As populations grow, the number of girls undergoing the procedure is increasing by about 2 million per year.19
- Female genital cutting has severe and lifelong health consequences for girls. In Sudan, doctors estimate that 10 to 30 percent of young girls die from it, especially in areas where antibiotics are not available.4 Medical complications of FGM include pain, prolonged bleeding, hemorrhaging, urinary retention, infections, obstetric complications, and psychological trauma.20
- Few laws protect young women from FGM. In Anglophone African nations where genital cutting is prevalent, only Ghana has passed specific laws opposing its practice.10
References
- Wood K, Jewkes R. Violence, rape, and sexual coercion: everyday love in a South African township. Gender & Development.1997; 5(2):41-46.
- Odunjinrin O. Wife battering in Nigeria. Int J Gynaecol Obstet 1993; 41:159-164.
- Heise LL, Pitanguy J, Germain A. Violence Against Women: the Hidden Health Burden. [World Bank Discussion Papers, no.255] Washington, DC: World Bank, 1994.
- Heise L. Violence against women: the missing agenda. In: Koblinsky M, Timyan J, Gay J, ed.. The Health of Women: A Global Perspective. Boulder, CO: Westview Press, 1993.
- Argent AC, Bass DH, Lachman PI. Child abuse services at a children's hospital in Cape Town, South Africa. Child Abuse & Neglect 1995; 19:1313-1321.
- Noble J, Cover J, Yanagishita M. The World's Youth, 1996. Washington, DC: Population Reference Bureau, 1996.
- Larsen IV, Chapman JA, Armstrong A. Child sexual abuse in a rural population letter: S Afr Med J 1996; 86:1432-1433.
- Njovana E, Watts C. Gender violence in Zimbabwe: a need for collaborative action. Reprod Health Matters, 1996; (7):46-52.
- Sebunya C. Child abusers face mob justice: AIDS Analysis Africa 1996; 6(3):15.
- The Center for Reproductive Law and Policy [and] International Federation of Women Lawyers, Kenya Chapter. Women of the World: Laws and Policies Affecting Their Reproductive Lives: Anglophone Africa. New York: The Center, 1997.
- Bohmer L. Adolescent Reproductive Health in Ethiopia: an Investigation of Needs, Current Policies and Programs. Los Angeles, CA: Pacific Institute of Women's Health, 1995.
- Sellix T. An Investigation into the Relationship between Older Males and Adolescents Females in Africa: Deconstructing the "Sugar Daddy." Submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for Master of Arts in International Development. Washington, DC: American University, 1996.
- Moore K, Rogow D. Family planning and sexuality. In: Moore K, Rogow D, ed. Family Planning and Reproductive Health: Briefing Sheets for Gender Analysis. New York, NY: Population Council, 1994.
- Wjau W, Radeny S. Sexuality among Adolescents in Kenya. Nairobi: Kenya Association for the Promotion of Adolescent Health, 1995.
- Sharif H. AIDS education efforts begin to address plight of Tanzania youth. AIDS Captions 1993; 1(1):20-21.
- Ankomah A. Premarital relationships and livelihoods in Ghana. Focus Gender 1996;4(3): 39-47.
- Dagne HG. Early marriage in Northern Ethiopia. Reprod Health Matters 1994; (4):35-38.
- Alan Guttmacher Institute. Sexual Relationship and Marriage Worldwide [Women, Families, and the Future]. New York, NY: The Institute, 1994.
- Toubia N. Female genital mutilation and the responsibility of reproductive health professionals. Int J Gynaecol Obstet 1994; 46:127-135.
- Kiragu K. Female genital mutilation: a reproductive health concern. Popul Rep J 1995; 23(33, Suppl):1- 4.
Compiled by Lola Delano
February 1998 © Advocates for Youth |
